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Forum CopilulMeu • View topic - bancuri

bancuri

Terapia prin ras- leac redutabil impotriva depresiei, grijilor si tensiunilor de orice fel.

Postby ananda » Sun Feb 26, 2006 11:26 am

In Parlament, dupa o sedinta plictisitoare a lui Ciorbea, el intreaba daca mai are cineva ceva de mentionat. Basescu ridica si el mina! Ciorbea vede si spune: "Vad acolo, in fund la Basescu, doua degete!



Un tip intra intr-un bar, tocmai il parasise prietena si se apuca sa bea cu un alt tip care statea langa el la bar. Intr-un final se hotarasc sa se arunce de pe un bloc deoarece nu mai avea nici un rost sa traiasca.
Pe bloc omul care era dinainte la bar zice ca sare el primul.Zis si facut, da' la vreo trei etaje de pamint isi da seama ca nu vrea sa moara asa ca incepe sa dea din maini si isi ia
zborul, intorcandu-se pe acoperis. Cel pe care tocmai
il parasise prietena nu crede ce tocmai se intamplase si
ii spune celui care a sarit sa mai sara o data ca sa se
convinga ca apoi sare si el. Primu' tip sare din nou si,
aceeasi chestie, la trei etaje de pamint da din maini
si-si ia zboru inapoi pe acoperis. Cel parasit de
prietena, convins, sare si el iar la trei etaje de pamant
incepe sa dea din maini, dar nu se intimpla nimic si moare
zdrobindu-se de pamint.
Primu tip se intoarce la bar si continua sa bea.
La care barmanul spune:
- "Ce rau poti sa fii cand
esti beat, Superman!"
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Postby ananda » Sun Feb 26, 2006 11:28 am

Un banc mai porcos:



Romeo si Julietta in noaptea nuntii:
- Ooo, Romeo, Romeo, pune-mi-o, te rog, in palma...
- Dar Julietta, degetele tale nu pot fi atinse decat de cel mai fin inel de aur cu cel mai shlefuit margaritar.
- Oooo, Romeo, Romeo, pune-mi-o, te rog, intre sani...
- Dar Julietta, sanii tai nu pot fi dezmierdatzi decat de razele suave ale lunii.
- Ooooo, Romeo, Romeo, pune-mi-o, te rog, sus!!!
- Dar Julietta, buzele tale nu pot fi sarutate decat de roua fragilor culese intr-o dimineatza de mai.
- Ooo, Romeo, Romeo, pune-mi-o atunci oriunde, numai scoate-mi-o din c** !
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Postby ananda » Sun Feb 26, 2006 12:18 pm

Piranda merge la avocat, deoarece vrea sa divorteze. Avocatul o intreaba de ce vrea sa faca acest lucru. Piranda raspunde:
- Ha, domnu' avocat, barbatul meu nu-i om...
- Dar ce este tu, piranda?
- Da' nu-i om, adica are scula prea scurta, raspunde piranda.
- Dar cati centimetri are?, intreaba avocatul.
- Ha, 28, raspunde piranda.
- Si nu iti ajung?
- Pai, domnu' avocat...10 centimetri burta lui, 10 a mea...apai cu 8 centimetri sa te f*** tu!
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Postby ananda » Sun Feb 26, 2006 2:15 pm

O domnita tanara reporter ia un interviu unui vacar in legatura cu sindromul "vacii nebune".
- Draga me, vaca se imperecheaza o singura data pe an.
- Si ce legatura are acest lucru cu sindromul "vacii nebune"?
- Draga me, vaca se mulge in fiecare zi.
Reporterita noastra crede ca omul e nebun, si il intreaba iarasi ce legatura are faptul ca vaca e mulsa zilnic cu sindromul in cauza.
Vacarul se enerveaza si ii raspunde raspicat:
- Da' bine domnita, daca pe mata te-ar trage cineva de tate in fiecare zi si te-ar f*** numai o data pe an nu ai INNEBUNI ?
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Postby mina » Tue Feb 28, 2006 11:44 am

[cool] [cool] [cool] [cool] [cool]
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Postby LigiaMilitaru » Thu Mar 02, 2006 9:11 am

Dar pe astea le stiti (sper ca nu au fost scrise mai sus!!!):
Un iepure alerga vesel prin padure,cand,vede un cerb care fuma un trabuc.
-Ce faci,ai innebunit?Intr-o zi frumoasa,in mijlocul naturii,tu te intoxici?Hai cu mine sa alergi,sa-ti oxigenezi plamanii!
-Ai dreptate,spune cerbul,si incepe sa alerge cu iepurele. In timp ce alergau,cei doi vad vulpea,care statea cu nasul in cocaina.
-Hei,spune cerbul,aici in mijlocul naturii ti-ai gasit sa iei cocaina?Hai mai bine sa alergi,sa-ti oxigenezi plaminii.
-Ai dreptate,raspunde vulpea,si incepe sa alerge cu iepurele si cerbul. Putin mai incolo,il intilnesc pe lup,cu seringa in mina.
-Hei,in mijlocul naturii,si tu te droghezi?Vino sa alergi cu noi,sa-ti oxigenezi plaminii.
-Da' mai duce-ti-va-n p....... mea, spune lupul, de fiecare data cind iepurele ia extasy,noi incepem sa alergam ca idiotii

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++





Intr-un tren ce mergea de la Cluj la Bucuresti, in acela
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Postby patrib » Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:30 pm

E prea misto sa-l tin numai pentru mine......



Te iubesc, Mama!
Mama m-a
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Postby patrib » Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:45 pm

Copilul il intreaba pe tatal lui, ce inseamna politica?

Tatal il pune pe genunchi si incepe sa-i explice aratand exemple:

- Fii atent, copilas, eu aduc banul in casa, deci eu sunt CAPITALISMUL. Mama are grija de bani, deci ea este GUVERNUL. Bunicul tau are grija ca totul sa fie in regula, deci el este SINDICATUL. Babysitterul nostru este CLASA MUNCITOARE si cu totii lucram ca tu, POPORUL sa te simti bine si sa nu-ti lipseasca nimic. Iar fratiorul tau de cateva luni este VIITORUL nostru comun.

Copilasul retine tot ce a auzit si merge la culcare. In timpul noptii se trezeste ca fratiorul lui a facut in scutec si plange. Se ridica si vrea sa-i zica mamei ce se intimpla, dar ea doarme atat de adanc incat nu reuseste s-o trezeasca.

Intra sa-i spuna babysitterului, dar tatal lui tocmai se hirjonea cu ea in pat, in timp ce bunicul tragea cu ochiul prin fereastra. Nimeni nu-l observa, asa ca merge inapoi in pat.

Ziua urmatoare tatal lui intreaba daca poate sa spuna cu propriile cuvinte ce inseamna politica. Copilasul isi aminteste de cele vazute noaptea si raspunde:

- Politica este cand CAPITALISMUL profita de CLASA MUNCITOARE in timp ce SINDICATUL priveste neputincios, GUVERNUL doarme, nimeni nu baga in seama POPORUL, iar VIITORUL nostru este in rahat.
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Postby psyche » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:04 pm

Niste reporteri de la TVR merg intr-un sat pentru a face un reportaj, cum isi petrece ziua baciu' Ion. Il roaga sa povesteasca ce face in cursul zilei.
- Da pai, dimineata ma scol, si trag un pahar de palinca...
- Stai, bacie Ion. Nu va fi bine sa afla toata tara ca deja la prima ora bei. Spune, ca citesti ziarul...
- Na, atunce... dimineata ma scol, citesc ziarul. Dupa aia dau la porc sa mince, dupa care mai citesc inc' un ziar. Pina la prinz lucrezi in atelier, in care timp citesc vreo doi-trei carti. La masa mai citesc vreo doua reviste, iar seara adun iosagul de pe cimp, dupa care urmeaza presa de seara. Dupa cina ma duc la biblioteca satului cu prietenii, iar la 10 cind inchide biblioteca merem cu toata trupa la Costel, ca el are tipografie.
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Postby psyche » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:40 pm

"Cand eram mai t
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