bancuri

[bubutza]

Intr-o zi iepurasu' era pe marginea unei prapastii si urla cat putea:
-Calule,calutzule!.Trece ursul pe langa el si ii zice:
-Ba iepure taci ca ma doare capul!
-Calule ,calutzule!.
-Ma iepure taci nu intelegi?!
-calule,calutzule!
-Ma te bat de iti suna apa in cap!
-Calule, calutzule!
Sare ursul la iepure asta se da la o parte si ursul cade in prapastie:
-Ursule,ursutzule!

[Adonis]

Care sunt cele 3 faze ale sclerozei?

Faza intai: intri la toaleta, iti faci treaba si uiti sa tragi apa.

Faza a doua: intri, tragi apa si uiti de ce ai intrat.

Faza a treia: intri, termini treaba, tragi apa, dar uiti sa-ti dai jos pantalonii.

[Cami-N]

Culmea mizeriei:sa aiba puricii paduchi!

[nina cosac]

Culmea impotentei:Sa impingi in ea, si sa intre in ...tine!

[mina]

culmea naturii: sa bagi V

[psyche]

S-au intalnit la o bere un indian, un arab si un evreu, si s-au apucat ei sa povesteasca cum l-a ajutatpe fiecare Dumnezeul lui.
Indianul spune ca in timpul unei inundatii cumplite s-a rugat lui Buddha si dintr-o data pe o raza de 20 de metri in jurul lui s-a facut senin.
Arabul povesteste cum in desert cand era mort de sete i s-a rugat lui Allah si dintr-o data pe o razade 20 de metri in jurul lui a inceput sa ploua.
Vine si evreul care povesteste ca in ziua de sabat cand iesea din sinagoga a vazut pe jos un portofel plin cu bani si i s-a rugat lui Dumnezeu sa-l ajute sa nu pacatuiasca tocmai de sabat... si pe o raza de 20 de metri in jurul lui s-a facut Miercuri.

[HappyHippie]

Patru concurenti la o examinare orala:
- Va rugam sa ne spuneti care ar fi, dupa parerea dvs., cel mai rapid lucru din lume....
Primul:
- ... eu cred ca cel mai rapid lucru din lume e gandul..
- Cum asa??!!!
- Te gandesti la cineva si nici nu-ti dai seama cand o faci...
- Asta asa este.. aveti dreptate.. o sa tinem cont de parerea dvs.
Al doilea:
- Eu as zice ca .... clipitul e cel mai rapid...
- De ce anume???
- Nici nu-ti dai seama cand clipesti, atat de rapid e...
- Da.. interesant.. apreciem contributia dvs..
Al treilea:
- Domnule eu sunt de parere ca lumina este cel mai rapid lucru...
- Puteti explica??...
- Da: cum apesi pe intrerupator cum se umple toata camera de lumina... adica e ceva foarte rapid... nici nu-ti dai seama...
- Da... foarte interesant.. va multumim...
Al patrulea:
- Cum sa va spun eu... dupa parerea mea, diareea e cel mai rapid lucru..
- !!!?????? (consternare)
- Pai domnilor... aseara m-am cacat pe mine si n-am avut timp nici sa ma gandesc, nici sa clipesc si nici sa aprind lumina......

[MIRI2005]

Mooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrr. Se uita fii-mea la mine si cred ca zice ca-s nebuna

[HappyHippie]

Bravo Dana...io-s la munca si trebe sa nu se prinda astia de ce rad

[Viorella]

Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally will never
hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline
pilots and control towers around the world.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Tower: "Delta 351, you have
traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We
have digital watches!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." "Center, we are
at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you
ever
heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a
hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are
not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the
lights and return to the airport."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance
time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German
airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from
another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the
bloody war."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing
bored, not f...ing stupid!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it
was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,
call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear
of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha
One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a
stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you
not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in
1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."