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Forum CopilulMeu • View topic - BANCURI

BANCURI

Terapia prin ras- leac redutabil impotriva depresiei, grijilor si tensiunilor de orice fel.

Postby nicol_s » Fri Sep 22, 2006 12:32 pm

"Doua tipe..., la volan o blonda, semaforul rosu, se opresc:
- Mama, vezi ce rosu frumos ?
- Da... waw!
- Da' uite ce galben fain...
- Aha...
- Si ce verde frumos...
- Da, asta chiar e super...
- Aa... iar rosu asta... L-am mai vazut, hai sa mergem !"
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Postby micky-cezar » Sat Sep 23, 2006 11:00 am

Un politist fugea dupa un infractor...
Dupa 100 m l-a depasit...

Un negru se duce la doctor in Africa de Sud. Se plange de dureri in gat.
Doctorul il pune sa se dezbrace complet dupa care il pune sa mearga in patru labesi sa stea cate putin in fiecare colt al cabinetului.
Negrul, cam uimit, se executa, dupa care il intreaba pe doctor ce legatura are treaba asta cu durerile lui de gat.
La care doctorul raspunde:
- Nu, n-are nici o legatura, dar mi-am cumparat o masa neagra pentru cabinet si ma gandeam unde sa o pun.

La
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Postby micuta_stea » Mon Sep 25, 2006 9:10 am

Doi nuntasi la masa. Unul catre celalalt:

- Asta e cea mai hidoasa mireasa pe care am vazut-o la o nunta!

Celalalt raspunde sec:

- E fata mea!

- Vai, ma scuzati, nu am stiut ca sunteti tatal fetei! spuse primul.

- Nu sunt tatal, sunt mama!
traieste ziua de azi ca si cand ar fi ultima zi
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Postby micuta_stea » Mon Sep 25, 2006 9:13 am

Reclama la o agentie de turism din Germania :

"Viziteaza Romania! Masina ta e deja acolo..."
traieste ziua de azi ca si cand ar fi ultima zi
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Postby nicol_s » Mon Sep 25, 2006 1:25 pm

"Ajunge Jane in jungla si cand da cu ochii de Tarzan vanjos si viguros o cam trec sudorile si ii trec prin cap mii de nastrusnicii.
- "Mai Tarzane, da' tu... barbat singur pe-aici prin jungla... cum te descurci cu amorul?"
- "Da' ce e aia facut amor?"
Jane ii explica in mare cam despre ce e vorba, la care Tarzan:
- "Pai cu copacul ala cu o scorbura mica..."
- "Vaaaaaaaaiii, Tarzane, se poate sa prapadesti tu frumusete de barbatie pe o scorbura in copac?"
Si se dezbraca Jane, se intinde pe iarba si ii indica lui Tarzan unde trebuie sa introduca obiectul....
Tarzan se uita cu atentie, isi ia avant si ii trage lui Jane un picior in locul sensibil de vede fata stele verzi...
- "Da' de ce facusi asta, mai omule???" zice Jane incovrigata de durere ??
- "Tarzan verifica intotdeauna daca sunt albine!"
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Postby micky-cezar » Mon Sep 25, 2006 2:10 pm

*Doi ardeleni, Ion si Gheorghe, vor sa treaca strada. Ion spune:
-Ma, eu pun pariu cu tine ca trec strada asta intr-o juma'de ora.
-No ca doar nu esti fulger!

*Ardeleanul soseste cu intarziere la impartirea darurilor, iar Dumnezeu ii
spune amarat:
- Imi pare rau de tine, nu mi-a mai ramas decat frumusetea si prostia,
fiule, ce sa-ti fac? Alege-ti.
- Apai, Doamne, frumusetea-i trecatoare

*Doi ardeleni intra int-un bar. Ion il intreaba pe Vasile:
-No, ma, ce esti asa de suparat?
-Apai ma, abia astept sa ajung acasa si rup chiloti muieri sa-i fac bucati.
-D'apai ce ai, ma, cu chiloti muieri ?
-Apai ma, asa ma strang, ca de abia pot mere cu ei pe strada.

*La biroul de imigrari:
-Sex?
-De trei ori pe saptamana.
-Nu, vreau sa spun...barbat sau femeie?
-Nu conteaza.


*Un ardelean se uita-n oglinda:
No, fain is!
No, frumos mi-s, Doamne!
F____-m-as.

*Doi ardeleni cinstesc intr-o seara. A doua zi se intalnesc la una mica:
Ion:
-No,tu cum ai ajuns acasa mai, Gheorghe?
-No,am mai cazut prin santuri, dar am ajuns.Dar tu Ioane?
-No,io mergeam pe mijlocul drumului si, deodata, mi s-aridicat asfaltu-n cap
si am dormit in picioare toata noaptea*

*Un studiu arata ca toti oamenii care duc o viata nasoala, stresanta, cu un
regim sexual nasol, citesc aceste bancuri cu mana pe mouse.
(Acum degeaba iei mana).
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Postby micuta_stea » Mon Sep 25, 2006 3:52 pm

M-ai vazut cand am luat mana???? [coarda]
traieste ziua de azi ca si cand ar fi ultima zi
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Postby Anca_Cristina_Manea » Mon Sep 25, 2006 4:08 pm

no, apai, daca avem mouse, nu, pe om tine mana?
no, pe mouse.
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Postby micky-cezar » Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:17 pm

O babuta cumpara peste viu.
> >> > - Baiete, dar pestele e proaspat?
> >> > - Pai, bunico, cum sa nu fie proaspat daca e viu!
> >> > - Pai si eu sunt vie...

-------------------------------------------

> >> > - Cum se numeste omul, care nu are mana stanga, piciorul
stang, ochiul stang si urechea stanga?
> >> > - All right !
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Postby nicol_s » Wed Sep 27, 2006 12:33 pm

Tot cu pesti:

"Un tigan nebun se plimba pe marginea unui lac. La un moment dat gaseste pe mal un pestisor de aur. Acesta ii promite indeplinirea a trei dorinte daca il arunca inapoi in apa. Nebunul accepta si se gandeste:
- Vreau sa fiu sanatos!
BOOM!
Tiganul scapa de nebunie, este perfect sanatos. In culmea extazului zice:
- Haleo!! Sunt sanatos, lua-m-ar dracu!
BOOM!
Tiganul se trezeste in iad inconjurat de draci, focuri si cazane cu smoala.
Speriat de moarte zice:
- Am ajuns in iad, sa-nnebunesc!
BOOM"
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