BANCURI

[ygrec]

Cica seful de sectie ii strange pe gabori la un loc si le spune: - Bai,maine sa veniti imbracati frumos ca mergem la "Nunta lui Figaro". A doua zi vin politistii toti imbracati la costume, cu neveste, copii, cadouri, flori.Cand ii vede seful de sectie se ia cu mainile de cap si le zice: - Ma,idiotilor!!!! Nu mergem la nunta propriu-zis, "Nunta lui Figaro" este oopera maa, teatru, opereta intelegeti??!!! La care ei: - Si ce te superi asaSefu', dumneata cand ai venit la "Lacul Lebedelor" cu unditele noi am zis ceva?

[Cipisor]

Am citit un subiect despre "inteligenta" tinerilor din ziua de astazi. O solutie sa invete?

Diriginta lui Bula il cheama pe taica-sau la scoala.
- Dl Bula, nu stiu ce sa ma fac cu fiul d-tra! Nu chiuleste, dar si daca vine la scoala tot degeaba vine! In clipa de fata este corijent la 4 materii, deci, din nou repetent!
- D-na diriginta, va multumesc pentru avertisment. Ajung acasa si daca nu-l trezesc din bataie cu apa rece, sa nu-mi spuneti mie...
- Dl Bula, poate nu-i cea mai eficienta metoda.
- Aveti dreptate d-na, lasati ca vad eu cum fac!
Ajuns acasa Bula senior:
- Bulica tata, intoleste-te!
Si-l duce pe Bula la sexy-club. Mamaaa, ce spectacol! Bulica avea ochii cat cepele.
- Aoleu, tata! Ce picioare! Ce sani! Cin-le-o f... p-astea tata?
- Premiantii, tata! Premiantii!

[HappyHippie]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade & I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade & behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in & the conditions were explained to him & he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: " 36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks & tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal & Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft & sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide & before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down & a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' & ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat & excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief & told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... "

[diana123]

Excelent Hippy !!!!Harry asta , da baiat destept!!!

[ygrec]

Si eu...tot la ultimele sapte m-am ..."impotmolit! "

[lucia81]

O femeie se plange alteia ca barba-su nu mai vrea sex
si cum vine acasa o intreaba doar: "Ce avem de
mancare?"... Cealalta ii zice:
- Draga, am avut si eu problema asta. Nu e grav...
imbraca niste chiloti negri, cu dantela, o palarie
neagra, ciorapi negri si il astepti in usa , sexy
asa... si se rezolva...
A doua zi se intalnesc din nou:
- E, cum a fost?
- Am facut exact cum mi-ai spus, chiloti negri,
dantela, palarie sexy... ce sa mai... bomba...
- Si?
- Si cand a deschis usa mi-a zis: "Zorro, faci si tu
ceva de mancare azi?

[lucia81]

Ion si Maria, acasa:
- N-ai vrea, nevasta, sa ne jucam de-a Big Brother?
- Stii, sunt obosita, azi am stat la servici toata
ziua... poate maine ...
Seara urmatoare:
- Ce zici, ne jucam de-a Big Brother?
- Stii, azi am facut mancare, am adus copiii de la
scoala... sunt obosita... hai s-o lasam pe maine :
Seara urmatoare:
- Ei, ce zici... azi ne jucam de-a Big Brother?
- Ok... fie... azi ne jucam.
- Ai 5 minute sa parasesti casa...

Cumparaturi : - Un penalty-1000 euro - O eliminare din echipa adversa-2000
euro - O victorie-3000 de euro - Un campionat castigat-50000 euro. Pentru
fotbal adevarat exista Steaua, pentru celelalte, are Dinamo mastercard....
Preotul suna la usa . Dinauntru se aude o voce cristalina:
-Tu esti, ingerasule?
-Nu, raspunse slujitorul Domnului, dar lucram la aceeasi firma!

[Mihaela_Cirjaliu]

O ea si un el sunt implicati intr-un accident. Ambele masini sunt facute zob, ei nu patesc nimic. Ies din masini amandoi.
-Domnule, cred ca destinul a facut sa ne intalnim.Uitati-va, masinile sunt zob, dar noi n-am patit nimic.
Omul se uita la ea ciudat, dar o aproba.
-Si inca o dovada.
-Uitati, masina mea e bucati dar sticla de vin dinauntru e intacta.
-Asta dovedeste ca ne era scris sa ne intalnim si sa o bem impreuna. Dv. primul!
Tipul se uita reticent la ea dar pana la urma ia o gura.
-Dar,doamna, dv. nu beti?
- Nu, eu astept Politia!

[micuta_stea]

[Lavinia04]

Doi lilieci isi faceau siesta cu capul in jos pe un capac.Unul il intreba pe celalalt:
-cand a fost ziua ta cea mai nasola?
-cand am avut diaree!!